So, this is the first time I’ve blogged in about a month. Yesterday, I briefly stated that I had been pre-occupied with worth, which is half true. I kinda threw blogging to the side because I didn’t like it anymore. I started doing the most random things that weren’t me just for blog content. I had a nasty habit of just not blogging, then sit down on a weekend and knock out some random bits and back-scheduling them to make it look like I blog every day (cheating). I basically ended up with about two weeks that I needed to blog and became overwhelmed and just chilled for a little bit. No shame in that. I’m not sure what caused this sort of feeling, I just felt like I was being pulled in a billion directions but I didn’t have anything to offer in any of those directions. I realized I was trying to do too much, but with little resources, and zero chances of me actually enjoying what I was doing.
October was a big month for me, since it was American Pharmacist’s Month (had a lot of things to do at work) and Breast Cancer Awareness Month (things to do with the pharmacy fraternity I work for and a lot of walks, benefits, etc), some family things with my cousins and their fall-related entertainment. It was just a lot that I got wrapped up in and stressed out about that I definitely did not need to stress about.
My epiphany came last week when I had a series of what most people would call “bad luck” but I call it “I deserve this madness.” On a Friday, I got a speeding ticket through a neighborhood that I have driven through every single day of my driving life. I might as well been driving in front of my own house. I knew the speed limit, I just felt like being a smart ass and I got caught. Chaos on Saturday and Sunday getting things done and basically getting caught in the middle of a parade–where a 15-minute drive turned into three hours. Again, this parade happens every year and I should have known. Then Monday, where I fell asleep at a red light and bumper-tapped the car in front of me. Luckily, no one was hurt, the car in front of me was a brick of a Jeep, and I caused no damage on that car. My car, however, did not fare as well and will have it looked at soon.
The question after this series of events was “Why am I not paying attention to the things around me?” What could be so important that I just don’t care about anyone else? For the longest time I was so concerned about myself and no one else. That was the justification I had for my new job–because my old job did not let me care about myself. Well, I took it too far. I guess it’s ok to worry about yourself, but not to the point where I seem to give a rat’s rear about everyone else.
Lesson of the year: Stop, worry about yourself, worry about the people around you, everyone matters. An epiphany came one weekend.